I Can't Believe I Said That!

"I don't want to talk about your book. I want to talk about pee pee."

Yes, I actually said this to my two-year-old. I was trying to inquire about whether he needed to go to the bathroom, and he was concerned about where he had left his book.

I'm glad that he's interested in books (especially since his interest is pretty new -- but that's another post). No matter how much I want to encourage a love of reading, books really are not the topic I want to be discussing when he's sitting on the toilet and I'm trying to decide whether it's safe to put his pants back on!

Anyway, this is probably at the top of the "things I never thought I'd say" list. I'm pretty sure most parents have one of these. You know, it's those things that come out of your mouth when you're dealing with your kids that -- before kids -- you would never have dreamed you'd ever say.

Here are some other entries on ours:

* "The dog knows how to drink. She doesn't need a demonstration." Luke likes to drink out of the dog's water bowls -- just like he's a dog. Not one of my prouder mommy moments, and it probably doesn't bode well for a scholarship to Harvard.

* "Tampons do not belong on the Christmas tree!" My daughter went through a period where she was fascinated -- maybe even a bit obsessed -- with tampons. And so, the Christmas after she turned two, she spent a great deal of time opening tampons and hanging them on the Christmas tree. (After all, they do have that handy-dandy string!) Later that same winter, my husband came downstairs one evening to find that she had opened all the tampons in a nearly full box and piled them in front of the fireplace. She informed him that she was cold and so she had gotten all the "little sticks" so he could make a fire.

* "Your sister's face is not a road." This was my husband's attempt to explain to Luke why it is not okay to run his toy car over his sister's face while she's laying on the floor watching television.

* "Only boys have penises." This was a frequent discussion in our home for quite a while after Luke came along. For a while, Ashley argued fiercely that she had had a penis when she was a baby. After many explanations of the difference between boys and girls, Ashley finally caught on and then would say to me anytime she saw Luke without a diaper, "only boys have penises, right Mommy?" And then one day, she decided to impress her father (and much of the grocery store) with her newfound knowledge by stating, very loudly, "Daddy, did you know that only boys have penises?" (That prompted a "why do you tell her these things?" look from my husband and many chuckles from the people in the aisle with us -- they must all have had kids, too.)

* "You don't need to cook your crayons." This has been said more than once -- when Ashley thought the toaster, and then the microwave, and later the toaster oven might be good places to store her crayons. (Thankfully all discovered before anything was turned on.)

* "No, Curious George is not coming to live in our house." When we asked Ashley what she would think about having a baby brother or a baby sister, she promptly replied, "I want Curious George." I tried to explain that a monkey was not coming to live in our house, but that a baby brother or sister probably was. She continued to insist for quite a while that she wanted Curious George -- although she did eventually decide that a baby brother might be okay. It depends on the day now whether she would still agree that having a baby brother is a good thing.

* "Yes, you will wear panties to school!" My daughter -- not even 5 yet -- decided one day that she didn't need her panties because she had pants on. And, she informed me that her preschool teacher didn't care whether she wore panties as long as no one could see her butt. I'm guessing this conversation was only in Ashley's little brain, but rather than argue that point, I informed her that I cared and she was far too young to go without underwear.

I know -- or at least hope -- I'm not the only one with the list of things I can't believe I said. Feel free to share some of yours!

This post is shared on Real Life's "Your Life Your Blog"

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